Dad Unexpectedly Hot

By Sam Buck and Hannah Flynn

Nov. 16, 2014

First-year student Sandy Livingston was awestruck on meeting roommate Mindy Belindi’s father this past Thanksgiving break.

Livingston claims her roommate’s father is the first “DILF” (“Dad I’d Like to Fuck”) she has ever encountered. She remains unsure of how to handle the situation. However, Livingston has resolved to keep quiet about her sexual longing for her friend’s father, afraid it might ruin their nascent friendship and render sharing their Alper House double uncomfortable.

“It sure helped having an en-suite bathroom to take a cold shower whenever I saw a reminder of her father’s emphatic eyebrows or cherubic smile on Mindy’s face,” Livingston said. “Oh, sweet Mindy.”

Despite the tension, the girls have elected to room together again in their second year, though in a suite of two singles rather than doubles. Livingston has on multiple occasions had “very vivid” sexual dreams about her roommate’s father.

The first-year is currently contemplating whether she should accept her roommate’s early invitation to once again accompany her home for Thanksgiving.

Mr. Belindi eagerly awaits her decision, informing The Dealer in an emailed statement: “Mindy’s a vegetarian, so I always make a blander, veggie-friendly version of my world-famous stuffing for her that I cook in a separate pan. But that Sandy girl eats turkey, so she gets to try the best version – the half I stuff deep inside the bird. That way it’s full of meat juice.”