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Aug. 1, 2015
1. Pick your new friend and follow them closely 24/7. Once they get used to seeing you everywhere, it will be like you already know each other when they finally talk to you.
2. “Sjöko!” It’s a classic. This Swedish salutation is the little black dress of greetings. It’s perfect for close friends and new acquaintances alike, and just edgy enough to make you seem interesting as well as super-friendly. Suffice to say, this Scandinavian “hey there” is an instant friend-maker.
3. Kale. Organic kale is one of the best organic ways to start a conversation. Try shoving several leaves down your new buddy’s throat, and they’ll for sure want to talk to you before it even gets to their stomach. This one may even bring you two closer to your RA, too!
4. Hook up with them. After a night of raucous sexual adventure, conversing over breakfast will seem like a no-brainer to both of you. Bonus: works great for groups!
5. Sit at the House table with a mostly-empty cup of coffee. People will interpret this as a sign that you’re going to leave soon and engage in what they believe to be a short bout of small talk. Once you lure them in, you can chat for hours.
6. Why not try some alcohol? You may not have heard of it before, but alcohol is a common organic compound well-known for its ability to get people talking.
7. Never speak. This may seem counter-intuitive, and it will take some dedication, but never speaking to anyone at all will eventually intrigue your peers. You’ll have your pick of people to talk to by the time you can’t stand it anymore (try to hold out for 20-30 days, to maximize your options).
8. Identify your prospective conversational partner at the dining hall. Note their House table. Find the House page on Facebook. Scour the Members list for a picture that resembles them. Friend them on Facebook. Go through all of their pictures. Try desperately to make eye contact with them at the dining hall for a week to 10 days. Send them a Facebook message that says “Hey ☺”. Works every time.
9. Be really hot.
10. Purchase the Chicago Shady Dealer Social Life Starter Pack for the low price of $49.99, and unwrap your three interesting new friends. Turn on their mics and speakers (switch on the right at the back of the neck), and say the words “Hi, I’m [your name].” This will activate their Conversation app and teach them your name.
1. Kale. Organic kale is one of the best organic ways to start a conversation. Try shoving several leaves down your new buddy’s throat, and they’ll for sure want to talk to you before it even gets to their stomach. This one may even bring you two closer to your RA, too!2. Hook up with them. After a night of raucous sexual adventure, conversing over breakfast will seem like a no-brainer to both of you. Bonus: works great for groups!3. Sit at the House table with a mostly-empty cup of coffee. People will interpret this as a sign that you’re going to leave soon and engage in what they believe to be a short bout of small talk. Once you lure them in, you can chat for hours.4. Why not try some alcohol? You may not have heard of it before, but alcohol is a common organic compound well-known for its ability to get people talking.5. Never speak. This may seem counterintuitive, and it will take some dedication, but if you never speak at all to anyone ever, it will eventually intrigue your peers. You’ll have your pick of people to talk to by the time you can’t stand it anymore (try to hold out for 20-30 days, to maximize your options).6. Identify your prospective conversational partner at the dining hall. Note their House table. Find the House page on Facebook. Scour the Members list for a picture that resembles them. Friend them on Facebook. Go through all of their pictures. Try desperately to make eye contact with them at the dining hall for a week to 10 days. Send them a Facebook message that says “Hey ☺”. Works every time.7. Be really hot.8. Purchase the Chicago Shady Dealer Social Life Starter Pack for the low price of $49.99, and unwrap your three interesting new friends. Turn on their mics and speakers (switch on the right at the back of the neck), and say the words “Hi, I’m [your name].” This will activate their Conversation app and teach them your name.
1. “Sjöko!” It’s a classic. This Swedish salutation is the little black dress of greetings. It’s perfect for close friends and new acquaintances alike, and just edgy enough to make you seem interesting as well as super-friendly. Suffice to say, this Scandinavian “hey there” is an instant friend-maker.2. Kale. Organic kale is one of the best organic ways to start a conversation. Try shoving several leaves down your new buddy’s throat, and they’ll for sure want to talk to you before it even gets to their stomach. This one may even bring you two closer to your RA, too!3. Hook up with them. After a night of raucous sexual adventure, conversing over breakfast will seem like a no-brainer to both of you. Bonus: works great for groups!4. Sit at the House table with a mostly-empty cup of coffee. People will interpret this as a sign that you’re going to leave soon and engage in what they believe to be a short bout of small talk. Once you lure them in, you can chat for hours.5. Why not try some alcohol? You may not have heard of it before, but alcohol is a common organic compound well-known for its ability to get people talking.6. Never speak. This may seem counterintuitive, and it will take some dedication, but if you never speak at all to anyone ever, it will eventually intrigue your peers. You’ll have your pick of people to talk to by the time you can’t stand it anymore (try to hold out for 20-30 days, to maximize your options).7. Identify your prospective conversational partner at the dining hall. Note their House table. Find the House page on Facebook. Scour the Members list for a picture that resembles them. Friend them on Facebook. Go through all of their pictures. Try desperately to make eye contact with them at the dining hall for a week to 10 days. Send them a Facebook message that says “Hey ☺”. Works every time.8. Be really hot.9. Purchase the Chicago Shady Dealer Social Life Starter Pack for the low price of $49.99, and unwrap your three interesting new friends. Turn on their mics and speakers (switch on the right at the back of the neck), and say the words “Hi, I’m [your name].” This will activate their Conversation app and teach them your name.
