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Nov. 11, 2015
In aone of recently decommissioned Nintendo’s manyfactory in Yokohama, Japanese factories, inspectors found a dust-laden room filled with 50 thousand unreleased copies of “Super Waluigi.” At a press conference immediately after the shocking discovery, lead inspector Shutaro Mizayagi commented on had the following to saythe discovery.
“This is big news,” said Mizayagi. “This is a game meant for release in 1994 that never came to be.”
The discovery caused a mass rush to technology and gaming stores in expectation of the game’s release, which appears unlikely given that the game is was intended to be released published on floppy diskc. The discovery caught even Nintendo President and President and CEO Tatsumi Kimishima by surprise, as neither he nor the corporate board were aware of the game’s existence.
“It appears as if my predecessor kept this project a secret, owing to the massive media shitstorm that would have surely been created if anything had been leaked,” said Kimishima. “Waluigi has been our most popular character for twenty years running. It’s just a tragedy – imagine all the young gamers yelling, ‘Wa! Wa! Waluigi!’ as often as ‘It‘s-a-me, Mario!’”
Third-year Bernice Washington echoed the complaints of young gamers everywhere, heartbroken about the game which could have formed a seminal part of theirtheir youth and mindless post-party activities.
“Mario’s loveable and all, but he’s just so chubby and short,” said Washington. “Waluigi just has a sexier, more athletic build. Imagine not having to jump as high to get power ups! Imagine not having to tiptoe to make out with Princess Peach!”
While gaming experts like Washington saw Waluigi winning out against Mario, other gamers and magazines had the opposite opinion. PC Gamer’s analysis found that due to his height, Waluigi would take 15 percent more damage from slipping on banana peels and have as less thanlittlemuch as 30 percent of Mario’s leg room in his go-kcart than Mario.
“Despite Waluigi’s clearly superior physical attractiveness factor, Princess Peach still prefers Mario, and justonly sees Waluigi as a second option,” read PC Gamer’s analysis.
Reports from the factory indicate that, upon looking inside another dust-laden, video– game– filled room, Inspector Mizayagi was only able to scribble “Super Jigglypuff – ???” on a notepad before Kimishima hurriedly escorted him away.
