Chicago Shady Dealer

Sexy Jesus & Apoptles Rumble Time!!!

Editor’s note: The Shady Dealer found this written on a piece of butcher paper in a trash can outside the divinity school. Please direct any complaints towards the original author.

AUTHORS NOTE: This is a love storoy about how jesus fell in love with mary magdelane n also his appotles. Christinas don’t interact!! If you don’t like then dont’ read!! oh and b4 you ask i am not chirstian i just heard bibble stories when i went with my freind Jospephine to her moms church last usnday. so don’t say I’m blasfeeming or whatever I don’tcare lol! also I wrote tihs on my moms iphone she just got a new one! lvoe, Miranda <3

One day Jesus was hanging out with his 12 bros. “OMG I want to go to the beach it’s so hot outside!” he siad. “how aboug we all go to a beach trip on the sea of Galily ” said his apootle Mark. “Great idea!” said Jesus” and we should go to the nightclub after I heard my buddy King Sol is playig a sick set. So they went to teh beach happily and they were really excithred.

Jesus’s 12 bros were ride or die. He called them his homies because they jnver would never lveae his side or betray him (not llike JANA from ALGEBRA! you AGREED not to tell the teacher we copoid each others work Janna I hate you I hope you die.)  Their names were Matthew, Marcus but evreyon called him Mark, Luke, John, Simon P, Simon N, Frank, Judas, Ezekiel but everyone called him zeke, Yale, Miffy, and Boris. Boris didn;t talk much he was the weird one. Also ther ewas a girl called mary magdilane who jesus secretly had a crush on and followed the appotles around because she thought he ws kind of intresting. Mary Magadelane had really long red hair and ivory white skin and it was really long and flowy and everyone liked it and the other girls got jelaouse and thats why they didnt; follow jesus so she was the only girl. She also had bright green eyes like emralds on spring grass and everyone told her she looked like the mermaid from the mvoie Ariel. SHhe was also reaslly sad alot because she had a crush on Jesus but she thought he iddn’t like her but he actually did. Judas was jealos of her becase he also had a crush on jesus but he told Zeke and Zeke was sad because he liked Judas that way but judas didn’t know he was gay. Frank, Simon N, and Simon P, were all bros and they didn’t care about that romance stuff but htye were really supportive of Judas and hteir friends because they’re weren’t homo foebick.

Anyway Jesus Mark Mary and thew others went to the beach on the sea of Galily and they had a lot of fun. Mary brought Jeuss a tub of really epxensive sunscreen lotion and started rubbing his fee.t with it and also her hair. “Why are you rubbing his feet” Judas the oppotle said annoyedly. “it’s ok she is just trying to help besides you should be nice to her because you’ll have to deal with her when I’m dead anyway.” “OMG you’re so morbed stop it” said Judas. “Haha I loove your sense of humor Jesus” laughed Mary.

Judas wass ad so he went over to play beach volleyball with his bros Frank, Simon N, and Simon P. “Cheer up Judas” said Simon N. “Yeah it’s okay Judas you;ll find someone else besides hes’s off limits because he’ shte sun of god.” said Simon P. Frank didn’t sway anything but he tapped Jeushads on the back and threw the volleybakl at thim. “Catch!” he screamed merrily. So Judas played volleyball with his bros until he looked aroudn and saw Jesus and Mary Magedelane making out sexily on the sand in the beahcl towel. Judas started crnying and Simon F rushed to give him a hug.

“It’s ok I know something that’sdl cheer yo uup!” said Simon. “Nothing can cheer me up now the liove of my life is kissing someong else I just asnt to drown in the sea of galily” wailed Judas depressedly. “What if I told you someone else had a hcsrush on you?” “OMG somenoe likes me>:? Who is it??” Judas perked up happily. “It’s…………… MIFFY!” said Simon N. Miffy walked over “Hey judas I was relally shy so I didnt; tell you this before but do you wnat to go on a date with me/?” asked Miffy blushing. Judas gasped.

Like for part 2!!!!

AUTHORS NOTE: Do you like ti>? If you did, plase leave me a reviewj and a like!  oh and alpso I am a minor (I am 10 year sold) so donut be mean to me or I’ll ltell my mom. Love, Miranda <3