Chicago Shady Dealer

Bernie Sanders Leans Too Far Left in Debate; Falls Down

By Anna Newport
Jan. 18, 2016

Charleston, S.C. —- Tragedy was narrowly averted at the Democratic debate Sunday night when Bernie Sanders, the 74-year-old Senator from Vermont, leaned too far left in his closing remarks here and tumbled from the stage. Less than three weeks before the Iowa caucuses, the feisty former student radical was rushed to a local hospital.

Doctors diagnosed a severely sprained left elbow and warned that Sanders would have to tone down his famous gesticulating style ’ famously confusing gesticulating style was in jeopardy at least through the February 20 South Carolina primaries.

Prior to the fall, Sanders was seen desperately swaying in both directions, as he sought to demonstrate the vast income gap in America. The fall occurred whileen demonstrating his attempt to proposed redistributeion of the massive amount of Wall Street wealth, all while also attempting to point out that Clinton‘s has notably acceptedacceptance of Wall Street as campaign contributions to the middle class.

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, standing to Sanders’ right, seemed shocked by the fall but said afterwards that Sanders’ final perilous lean to the left was clearly unsustainable.

“When you tilt to that extreme, the normal system of political checks and balances can’t save you,” said ClintonClinton said.

Members of the staff at Bon Secours St. Francis Hospital, where Sanders was taken, described the frazzle-haired senator as either panicked or deranged upon arrival.

“He was on the gurney shouting ‘Universal health care for all! Medicare for all! Don’t give me overpriced prescription drugs,’” said Sarah Taylor, an orderly at Bon Secours,. “That dude is one crazy ass mother. He’s got my vote,” she added.

Meanwhile, back at the debate hosted by NBC, Clinton finished her closing arguments standing front and center, while former Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley, the third candidate, was faintly heard making his closing remarks from somewhere behind the back curtainoff stage, after falling off the stage unobserved earlier in the night.