![]()
July 8, 2016
Over the past few years, the UChicago Office of Sustainability has worked with campus and community partners on several important projects, including ventures to improve waste reduction and water conservation., Our goal is in order to strive for increased environmental, social and economic sustainability in all decisions affecting the University. However, it has recently come to our attention that these sustainability initiatives may improve the survival prospectsincrease the survivability of the rapidly dwindling giant panda population. It is very important to us to work towards reducing our collective “carbon footprint.” However, it is also very important for all pandas to die. Have you seen their fucking disgusting black-and-white fur and weird-ass paws? Jesus Christ, we could vomit just thinking about it. Therefore, we have unfortunately decided that the Office of Sustainability is, well, unsustainable––at least until all 100% of pandas are dead.
