![]()
Aug. 2, 2016
Presidential candidate Donald Trump announced that he had received a human heart from a dedicated supporter and Iraq war veteran at Tuesday’s rally in Virginia. Politicos, pundits, and average voters are already wondering how it might change the businessman’s infamous temperament.
Trump had invited the supporter on stage, posing with the heart before plunging it back into his own formerly empty chest cavity. Trump began the rally, saying, “I said to him, ‘Is that like the real one, or is that a copy?’”
According to Trump, the supporter replied, “That’s my real heart. I have such confidence in you.”
Trump continued, “And I said, ‘Man, that’s like big stuff. I always wanted to get a [human] heart.’ This was much easier.”
Trump’s notoriously bombastic style has often drawn criticism from both sides of the aisle, particularly following his antagonistic comments towards the Khan family, who spoke about the loss of their son to a suicide bomber in the Iraq war at the Democratic National Convention. Many accused him of being devoid of empathy, even to the degree of lacking a human heart. It remains to be seen how this new development will affect Trump’s seemingly unfeeling and self-centered personality.
The Dealer contacted University of Chicago Hospital cardiologist Dr. Omar Brown to discuss the ramifications of introducing a human heart into a formerly heartless body.
Dr. Brown hesitated to speculate on the specifics of the case saying, “I haven’t examined Mr. Trump personally, so I can’t discuss his case with certainty, but throughout this campaign it has seemed to me that Mr. Trump did not possess the full range of emotion usually present in someone with a beating human heart.
“If I had to hazard a guess, I would say the diagnosis was likely ‘Grinch Syndrome,’ in the common parlance, where a patient’s heart is found to be between two and four sizes too small. Or even more likely, ‘Tin Woodman Disease,’ where the patient simply has no heart at all.”
Dr. Brown said that he hoped the new heart would increase Trump’s ability to feel empathy, but acknowledged that there was also a high chance that Trump’s bile-filled body would reject the organ.
