Chicago Shady Dealer

How Can I Be A Good Boy If the Concept of Good Is Arbitrary and Flawed

By Fidocles, the Dog
Jan. 13, 2017

“Who’s a good boy?” my master asks me. In that moment, my mind is opened to all of the possibilities of goodness in our world. For wWhat is goodness, really? Is it virtue? Is it tangible? Can it exist at all? These questions haunts my soul.

“You are!” he says after a moment. I’ve heard this before. I pant and wag my tail, but deep down, I wonder what his logical justification is for such a

OH! HE THREW THE BALL! I WILL GET THE BALL! BALL BALL BALL BALL BALL!!!!!

Excuse me. My attention was momentarily diverted by the spheroid my master so skillfully ejected with his hand. Yet the issue remains: . Hhow are we, I ask, to address the definition of goodness if we cannot even reach a modicum of consensus on the concept? Some masters call may call us “good” if we do our business in the backyard, and yet others may be displeased and even withhold treats. Thus, we reach the only possible conclusion: what we perceive as “goodness” is merely a subjective thing, as intangible as any

DID HE SAY WALK?!? YES! YES, I DO WANT TO GO FOR A WALK!! OH BOY, OH BOY, OH BOY, LET’S GO OUTSIDE SO I MAY SNIFF THINGS AND POSSIBLY URINATE ON THEM! WOW!

I must apologize once more. I am of the belief that physical activity is the first step toalong freeing one’s mind. But even the elation I feel when indulging in life’s greatest pleasures, like barking at cars, or chasing a squirrel down the sidewalk, cannot be the ethos of goodness. When my master posits the question, “Who’s a good boy?,,, how can he expect me to answer? Or , perhaps, what he means is that I am the closest thing to the pure form of goodness he can see in the world, just as he is to me. Perhaps what matters is not what the universal definition of the good is, but rather the one I find most meaningful. In this world, we must each find satisfaction and meaning in our own way. Only then will we

CAT! I SMELL A CAT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEAR MY HOUSE?? GET OUT OF HERE! GRRR!!! BARK BARK BARK!