Chicago Shady Dealer

“There’s No Money for a Living Wage,” Announces Zimmer from $30 Million Dollar Francis and Rose Yuen Center in Hong Kong

By Chase Harrison
Jan. 17, 2017

With his voice echoing through the 70 foot tall glass ceiling of the lobby of the Francis and Rose Yuen Center, UChicago President Robert Zimmer announced that a campus living wage was simply too expensive to consider. “The University is facing its toughest economic times, and we need to think critically about how we spend money,” Zimmer stated firmly from the mahogany lectern. “Luxuries like a living wage are just … unfeasible.” The Center, perched on the hills that surround Hong Kong, will help the University continue its mission towards promoting a global education. “We will be able to integrate into Asia like never before,” Zimmer said. “We want to be part of its lifeblood, its story, and its journey.” As he looked out at the Hong Kong skyline, he sighed. “I mean, I know workers in Hyde Park need a living wage, but don’t you feel like we’ve done enough for Hyde Park already?. I mean, maybe Asia needs us now!” Zimmer conceded that many students have to work multiple on campus jobs because of the low wage. Still, he did not feel that this warranted a change in policy. “Look, we all make sacrifices. For example, I have to wait until I’m not President to move into my $3.25 million dollar condo on the Near North Side. We can’t all get what we want immediately! We have to put the University first.” Zimmer concluded by thanking the donors who gave the $30 million dollar grant that made the Center possible and. Zimmer reminded the audience that these large donations are postmarked. “Donors can choose where their money goes and they want to see it make a huge impact. This giant glass center will be a game changer for all students. But a living wage that helps community members get out of poverty and helps students manage their work-study? Who would want to donate to that?”