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March 26, 2017
NEW YORK –This Friday, iInvestors were sent into a panic panicked on Friday when it was discovered that all purchased shares of Snap, Inc (SNAP) disappear from the record 10 seconds after purchase.
“We really wanted to do something different when we went public,” said Snap CEO Evan Spiegel., “So we thought, why not bring the same great experience that our customers love to the financial markets?”
“On the one hand, this is absolutely insane, not to mentionand probably all kinds of illegal,” lamented local high frequency trader John Douché. “On the other hand, disappearing shares have created some interesting market dynamics. You don’t know what a rush feels like until 10% of your portfolio will vanish into thin air 10 seconds from now. At first I thought people would only trade disappearing shares as a joke, but it’s getting surprisingly popular. I’ve heard that some other companies are thinking of copying their strategy.”
In related news, Samsung has issued a recall of all of its shares upon discovery that they have a tendency to catch fire and explode, which, according to market expertsinvestors, is simply too volatile a strategy to succeed.
