Chicago Shady Dealer

Top 5 Things You Can Say in SOSC to Convince Your Professor That You Did the Readings

  1. Ask a question This is the easiest way to pretend to engage with the reading you did not do. The question does not have to be good — the goal is to be heard and noted by your professor. Add in some random words like “to what extent” and “impact” and “society” and you’re well on your way to scamming a decent participation grade.
  2. “Actually in another class I am taking this quarter…” This is a standard but reliable go to for students who did not want to read another hundred pages of Adam Smith talking about money or whatever. Gold medals should be given to students who can vaguely connect their Global Warming class to their Self discussion. Disclaimer: this phrase does rely heavily on the assumption that you have done the reading for another class. This might be an unrealistic expectation if you are reading this article. 
  3. “In 2020…” I am sure if this 17th century philosopher came back to life hundreds of years later in the 21st century they would have a lot of things to say! However, I am not sure their first comment would be about Instagram and its impact on mental health. It would probably either be fifteen minutes of continuous screaming or them repeatedly yelling the phrase “DIE WITCH DIE!”
  4. “Just to piggy-back off of what *insert name here* said” This is the W*tson and Cr*ck of things to say in SOSC. It perpetuates the long-held truism of “if you cannot come up with anything original to say, then plagiarize a woman by saying exactly what she said but louder.” 
  5. Personal anecdote If Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage” then I believe that “All the world’s your finsta.” Want to talk about that weird thing that happened to you last week? Then bring it up during your SOSC discussion. Self-care can be as simple as pinning your square on Zoom and treating everything you say in class like you’re complaining on your private story.