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Aug. 22, 2017
My Day in the Marketplace of Ideas
By Chase Harrison
The letter arrived in my mailbox with a flourish, shooting into my house. Was this FINALLY my missing Hogwarts acceptance letter? No. But it was the next best thing: a letter from soon-to-be college, The University of Chicago. The letter was from John “Jay” Ellison, and “Jay” was writing to inform me to prepare myself. At UChicago, I was to be exposed to a dizzying variety of ideas and I would be completely unsheltered. From Plato to Foucault, I would encounter the full canon of human thought. Screw safe spaces, I was ready to enter the danger zone.
On the second day of O-Week, I walked towards the Quad to peruse the club fair when suddenly I was blinded by a pair of shining white shorts. A tall boy with socks up to his knees and a pink polo shirt beckoned for me to come over to him. Who was this? Was this the mythical “Jay”?
The figure gestured towards a gaping hole in the wall. Out of the hole came a disgusting noise, as if 1,000 voices were screaming inside. Every instinct in my body told me to run, until I heard someone scream one word: Palestine
PALESTINE? Did they even know the historical significance of that term?? I charged into the hole to tell them. However, upon entering the hole, a world sprawled out before me. It was a bustling market! Rows upon rows of booths lined the space each manned by an eager vendor. And thousands of students, just like me, roamed its corridors.
“The Earth is FLAT and SCIENCE has been lying to you,” a voice boomed into my ear. I whipped my body around, squaring myself to a well dressed man in a towering top hat. “Excuse me sir,” I replied firmly. “I took AP Environmental Science, and I wrote a whole DBQ about how the Earth is certainly not flat!” “Well, that’s my OPINION, so you have to listen!” he retorted. It was then I realized where I was: The Marketplace of Ideas. The mythical place where all existing human ideas could be heard. My body began to tremble with excitement. I felt like a mom in front of Walmart on Black Friday.
I walked down the aisles gleefully, talking to anyone I stumbled upon. A Marxist! A 9/11 Truther! An Astrologist! An Astronomist! An Anarcho-communist! A guy who was furious Kelly beat Justin in Season 1 of American Idol! I listened to each viewpoint attentively, considering its merits carefully. And like any good market, there were absolutely no restrictions! Unregulated and unmitigated, it had it all.
Suddenly, a greasy man appeared before me. Emblazed on his chest was a giant swastika. My heart began to swell. It was a real Nazi! “Hey, kid! Did you know that Jews are subhuman?” I took a deep breath and considered it. Were Jews subhuman? I mulled the proposal. After several minutes of thought, I had an epiphany: Jews… were full human. His perspective was wrong! “You’re wrong,” I told him, following up my declaration with several well researched points. “Wow,” he replied. “I’d never considered that!” I high fived the former Nazi. Here, in the marketplace of ideas, the best idea had won!
As I exited the marketplace, I could feel our most important presidents, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Robert Zimmer, smiling down on me. This was truly what this country and this campus was founded upon. Well, God Bless America and God Bless the University of Chicago.
