Silly Bandz Craze Sweeps the Supreme Court.
By Breck Radulovic – Washington, D.C., 2010
May 5, 2018
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg Shows of her Silly Bandz
Wow! It’s 2010 and every middle schooler, stoner, and Supreme Court Justice is rocking the hell out of Silly Bandz! You read that right–your favorite robed old people are wearing your favorite silicone, animal-shaped bracelets, and they look fucking hot.
It all started when Justice Kagan’s second-favorite niece, Rachel, gave her a dinosaur silly band. When Justice Alito spotted her new accessory in court, he just had to have one. One thing led to another, and before you could spell “Constitutional Originalism,” every single justice was amassing their own Silly Bandz collection.
According to reports, Justice Ginsburg is so into Silly Bandz, she ordered custom-made RBG dissent collar Bandz. Justice Scalia has over 585 Silly Bandz and wears them all at the same exact time. Even Justice Emeritus Sandra Day O’Connor is in on the super popular fad.
Just like in the hallways of elementary schools across America, justices are swapping Bandz left and right across the judicial aisle. Chief Justice Roberts recently had to intervene in a Supreme Court gambling ring run by Justice Sotomayor and Justisce Breyer, where the pot for being in the majority on a controversial decision was at least seventy-five Silly Bandz.
Unlike in the rest of America, the Silly Bandz craze is showing no signs of slowing down among our most prestigious legal officials. Every single justice is hiding rows and rows of silicone animals under their billowing sleeves. When asked for comment, all Justice Ginsburg had to say was, “Snap, Snap, Motherfuckers!!” before shooting a Silly Band across the court and riding away on her vintage Heelys.
Editor-in-Chief, 2018-19
