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Torrented New Kanye Album Ruled Best Virus Of All Time
By Ryan Fleishman Feb. 19, 2016 After searching through pirating websites desperately this Sunday for Kanye’s new album to download illegally through their chosen torrent client, critics agree that Kanye’s The Life of…
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10 Vegetables I Want To Grow
By Ryan Fleishman Feb. 19, 2016 Tomato. The tomato is a wondrous red vegetable that can be used to make ketchup or marinara sauce.. A scientist once told me that the tomato is…
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The University of Chicago Systematically Discriminates Against the Moronic
By Juan Caicedo Feb. 19, 2016 Western society already trails a long litany of discrimination behind it, including racism, homophobia, and misogyny. But so far one form of discrimination has been left out:…
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Reflections on a Mixtape from my High School Girlfriend
By Walker King Feb. 22, 2016 I was going through my old boxes of high school things the other day when I came across an old mixtape. , https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1v2eMiNl1Tz2W6w0n-ha43XrxxsRrzWw_OiK_ola-s6w/edit?usp=sharingRRachel, mMmy high school girlfriend,…
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University of Chicago Announces ‘Donald J. Trump Residential Hall’
By Jimmy Wustler Feb. 22, 2016 In a Shady Dealer exclusive, tThe University of Chicago has announced that the new Campus North Residential Hall will be named the Donald J. Trump Residential Hall.…
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A Student’s Guide to Sneaking LSD from Craig
By Mary Vansuch Feb. 22, 2016 Now, I’m not saying that I have ever used LSD, or that I even know Craig. These are just rumors I’ve heard from through the grapevine. Nor…
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Trump Defends New Mustache
By Morgan Pantuck March 1, 2016 Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump shocked reporters earlier this week by appearing in public with his facial hair trimmed into a toothbrush style, shaved sharply at the…
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Area Middle School Troubled Over Emergence of “Super Tuesday” Clique
By Breck Radulovic March 2, 2016 Thomas Jefferson Middle School has seen the development of a new clique in recent weeks. Styling themselves as “Super Tuesday,” the group of spiteful and exclusionary middle…
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First-Year Encourages Voting
By Morgan Pantuck March 13, 2016 Just moments ago, first-year student and budding political activist Marissa Newbolt encouraged her Facebook friends, 99% of whom support the Democratic Party, to vote in the upcoming…
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P/CP: Help! I got a “2100” on my STD
By Danny Marcus and Daniel Markus April 5, 2016 Point: Help, I got “2100” on my STD test By Danny Marcus Excuse me,—does anyone know what it means to get a 2100 on…
