The Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    2 Chainz Objectifies God

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Drew Armstrong Feb. 22, 2014 With his most recent single, “Fallaish me Father 4 I have Sinned,” rapper 2Chainz gives missionary a whole new meaning. Tired of defaming women, the G.O.O.D. Music…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    God Finally Finishes Book

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Gus Schiff (1200 B.C.) Jan. 24, 2014 Humanity has eagerly awaited God’s book, 50 Shades of Yahweh, since it was announced nearly 3000 years ago. But the world might not want to…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Weak Roommate Declares State of Emergen-C

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chris Deakin Dec. 24, 2013 According to a release from Brian the subletter, 5414 S. Woodlawn Ave., Apt. 2, is currently in a state of Emergen-C. The state was declared less than…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    RSO Announces Shortest Ever Humans vs. Atomic Bomb game

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Jeremy Archer Nov. 9, 2013 Highlighting the lack of any sort of protection against an atomic blast, the managing board of the Atomic Bomb Defense Task Force announced today that this year’s…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Red Cup Washed, Reused

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Evan Bernstein Oct. 18, 2013 According to roommates, a red plastic cup has been washed and subsequently reused. The cup was reportedly first purchased in bulk for the purposes of a Saturday…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Parties to look out for in 2013

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Robin Ye Aug. 2, 2013 The brochures promised it all: eternal laughter on the quad, casual, enjoyable studying, and a diverse set of friends assembled from the far regions of the world,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Health Inspection Finds Humans in Cathey Dining Commons

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Alexander Dunlap May 23, 2013 CHICAGO—The Chicago Department of Public Rat Health has issued a “critical” violation to Arley D. Cathey Dining Commons upon discovering almost three hundred live humans in the…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Things That UChicago Crushes

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Maya Handa and Becky Stoner April 23, 2013 Hopes Dreams Hearts Livers Everything on this list that is not also a sandwich Paninis The old USPS building Economic activity on 63rd Street…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Animal House Wins Best Picture

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Matthew Goldenberg Feb. 24, 2013 In an absolutely stunning surprise this evening, the 1978 film Animal House won the Oscar for Best Picture in 2013. Despite the fact that the movie was…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Editorial: It is a good idea for us to invade Afghanistan

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Various Feb. 4, 2013 It is a Good Idea for Us to Invade Afghanistan By Raymond Aloysius Chatterton III 1838 – Afghanistan will be the next step in the glorious expansion of…

    read more
 Older Posts
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • “Have You Heard of Dr. Seuss?” Asks Guy Who Just Found Out About Dr. Seuss
  • First-Year Declares Intent to Speed-Run College
  • White House Downplays Reports of Trump, Epstein “I Heart Pedophilia” Friendship Bracelets
  • Virtual Reality Game Sucker Debuts to Much Fanfare
  • Hear! Hear! Selling 10 Packs of Light Bulbs for the Low Price of $1500
  • UChicago Requires Library+ to Access Books
  • Point: We Should Increase Fire Drills/Counterpoint: Let’s Add A Gym Requirement Instead
  • Apply for the Royal Internship
  • Bridge Between Quad and Reg Somehow Collapses Despite Being Solid Road
  • “Back to Basics” Aims of Education Address Stresses, Shapes, Counting

Chicago Shady Dealer

  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Archives

Categories

For Writers

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
© 2025 Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
Ashe Theme by WP Royal.