By Willamina Groething Oct. 24, 2014 President Obama’s recent Chicago visit was interrupted Sunday by what White House officials are calling a “misunderstanding” with the University of Chicago Police Department. The UCPD responded…

By Chris Deakin Aug. 4, 2014 RH’s Child Knows What You Did With Orientation Week in its second day, sources close to Resident Heads George and Patty Finch of Janotta House can confirm…

By Mary Vansuch April 20, 2014 University of Chicago freshmen  was bestowed a MacArthur Award last Monday for accomplishing a truly extraordinary task: using his friend Alex’s preferred gender pronoun, “they.” When…

By The Easter Bunny April 20, 2014 There will be an attack. I can’t tell you when or where, but it is going to happen. Soon. And there will be casualties. In the…

By Mary Vansuch Feb. 20, 2014 Whales rallied throughout the ocean yesterday in protest against recent efforts on the part of ecologically sensitive sea mammals to “Save the Patriarchy.” Protesters wondered why the…

By Santa Claus Dec. 25, 2013 Dear Children of the World, Christmas is here! I hope you’re as excited as I am. The holidays are such an exciting time of the year. Eating,…

By James Newton Nov. 9, 2013 At the conclusion of a four-year study, College statistics major Maya D’Angelo has revealed that the vast majority of students in math and science courses who attend…

By Maya Handa Oct. 20, 2013 The fashionable peacoat you envisioned yourself wearing as you trotted from class to class in the high, pointy leather boots. The winter coat you left at home…

By Nora Helfand Aug. 2, 2013 It has only been a year since UChicago waived its long-standing physical education requirement to the delight of many of its students. But if you ask eminent…

By Maya Handa May 27, 2013 Thirteen monarch butterflies accidentally completed the United States naturalization process yesterday, becoming full-fledged Americans bound to serve and protect the Constitution. The butterflies apparently believed they were…