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House Misses Apple Season, Forced to Go Rutabaga Picking
As the RA Bob McSchmob explained in his introductory email, this is “the Disneyland of Rutabaga picking in Wisconsin! We’ve got Alta-Sweet, Improved Long Island, and even some Granny Jones Rutabagas! Even though…
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UChicago Login Systems Switch From Duo to Trio
First year Micah Powell called the changes “ridiculous.” “There’s no reason the login needs to be this difficult. I went to the tech help desk at the Reg and they told me to…
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First-Year Enchanted by Dead Gazes of Grad Students in Lab
First-year biology major Ann Bitious was delighted to find that the graduate students in the lab she joined as an undergraduate research assistant possessed the dead gazes and exhausted slumps she had hoped…
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Student Wellness Reports 700% Increase in Gout
"Frankly, this development is extremely disheartening," added Dr. Catherine Lippitz. "It was only a few months ago that we emerged from our battle with croup that claimed two to three hundred students' lives,…
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Op-Ed: I Was Let Down By UChicago’s Frivolous Academic Attitude
Last night, I went to Fiji, took five shots, stumbled onto the dance floor, tied my feet to a length of rope, and bungee-jumped down the side of the building. Suffice to say,…
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RH’s Dog Overwhelmed From the Weight of Every Student’s Mental Well-Being
“It’s just too much of an emotional burden,” Lulu told the Dealer, “This one guy literally started sobbing when I let him rub my tummy. I may be cute, but that’s just not…
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Disaster Strikes! Kid You Hate Still Goes Here
Realistically, the dream that he would leave the school, or at least get thrown out the door of a plane, was unlikely. But did he really have to spawn right here, right now?…
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UCPD Arrests Peaceful Protesters: “The ‘Free Speech’ Thing Stops After 5:30”
This Thursday, UCPD arrested 25 students and two faculty members engaging in a peaceful sit-in inside Rosenwald. UChicago has long been a champion of free speech, except when it occurs after 5:30pm. In…
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10 Things to Say When Someone Asks What You Did This Summer
5. “I tried to apply for jobs but I spilled a huge cup of Dr. Pepper on my laptop.” Might as well be honest.
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“Record-breaking” O-Mance Lasts an Astonishing 2 Weeks
Summers concurred, “I’ll always cherish the days I spent with Kyle – from the time we were making out and our teeth accidentally clicked against each other, to the other time we were…
