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Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Literary Happenings

    MLA Edition 10 – 2022 Update

    Andrea Zhou / January 10, 2023

    Stale prose, no more; now poetry, galore  And lines with double spaces we ignore

    read more
  • Lifestyle

    Point: An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away/ Counterpoint: So Does a Knife

    Andrea Zhou / December 7, 2022

    I had to go again because of an accidental stab wound, and they even said I could “leave the premises immediately” when I took my knife out.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Seven Signs Your Roommate’s Parents Definitely Have a Wikipedia Page

    Andrea Zhou / October 14, 2022

    They use “network” as a verb. “I had a great time with you tonight. How about we reconvene and rendezvous for a little networking sesh at Nobu next week?” This is not a…

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Top 5 Ways to Brag About Your ACT Score

    Andrea Zhou / October 3, 2022

    As clumsy human beings, all of us have tripped over our own feet before. Therefore, it should be no shock when you hit a lamppost or fall over unexpectedly. Ensure that your head…

    read more
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • Rockefeller Chapel to Get Sleek, Cool Upgrade Once They Figure Out Who Put That Scaffolding Up There.
  • Pete Hegseth Accidentally Challenges Houthis to Game of iMessage Cup Pong
  • Huzzah! Progressive Parent Pledges to Merely Threaten Queer Kid Instead of Denouncing Them This Year
  • Donald Trump Comes Out as Serbian Nationalist, Returns Kosovo to Serbia within 15 Days
  • Everyone’s Talking About the Price of Eggs, but What About the U.S. Trout Population?
  • Student Disgusted by “Horripilating” Decline of UChicago’s Intellectual Culture
  • UChicago Sends Melina Hale to Scope Out Northwestern for Potential Takeover
  • Phoenix AI to Stop Saying Key Words Like Bankruptcy or Debt
  • Five Caricature Artists to Befriend if You Want to Make it in This Town
  • Joe Rogan to Star as Catherine Earnshaw in New Wuthering Heights Adaptation

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