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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Literary Happenings

    MLA Edition 10 – 2022 Update

    Andrea Zhou / January 10, 2023

    Stale prose, no more; now poetry, galore  And lines with double spaces we ignore

    read more
  • Lifestyle

    Point: An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away/ Counterpoint: So Does a Knife

    Andrea Zhou / December 7, 2022

    I had to go again because of an accidental stab wound, and they even said I could “leave the premises immediately” when I took my knife out.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Seven Signs Your Roommate’s Parents Definitely Have a Wikipedia Page

    Andrea Zhou / October 14, 2022

    They use “network” as a verb. “I had a great time with you tonight. How about we reconvene and rendezvous for a little networking sesh at Nobu next week?” This is not a…

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Top 5 Ways to Brag About Your ACT Score

    Andrea Zhou / October 3, 2022

    As clumsy human beings, all of us have tripped over our own feet before. Therefore, it should be no shock when you hit a lamppost or fall over unexpectedly. Ensure that your head…

    read more
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

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  • Update: President Trump Places 35% Tariff on Water; Aquaman Responds
  • Oops! Your Participation Grade Is Actually 99%, and You’ve Barely Gone to Class! 5 Tips to Gaslight Your Instructor
  • Utah Replaces All Water Supply With Electrolytes, ‘Cause That’s What Plants Crave
  • [Redacted] is the Best Fucking Frat at UChicago, in a Tolstoyan Sense
  • Non-political Maroon Article Gets View
  • OpenAI Unveils New Model of ChatGPT Capable of Developing Anxiety Disorders
  • Jason Momoa Rocks the Minecraft Movie, Brings in 2000% More Hot Moms than Predicted
  • Major League Baseball Removes Retired Number 42 After Trump Calls Out DEI Agenda
  • Study Finds Jesus’ Crucifixion Likely Hurt a Lot

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