By Daniel Ruttenberg April 14, 2016 I really need help here. My prospie, Michael, has beenis slowly changing his appearance to look like me, and this is definitely is not normal. To be…

By Willamina Groething Nov. 16, 2014 1. You keep bumping into each other, and it’s feeling more and more deliberate on her part. 2. It’s as though the wind’s knocked out of you…

By Mark Boykin Oct. 22, 2012 In another highly publicized litigious maneuver for the Cupertino-based tech firm, Apple has filed suit against Greek mathematician and philosopher Pythagoras for copyright infringement, claiming that Pythagoras…

By Jacob Johnson March 22, 2017 Cambridge, M.A.Following recent political developments in the political sphere, astrophysicists at MIT have re-calibrated the massive LIGO gravitational wave interferometer to detect the possible intervention of an…

By Nikolai Alodopolous, 200 CE Jan. 18, 2016 Are you a God yourself or just a messenger for your God? 1. The god, totally. Or maybe both, kind of like Jesus. 2. Don’t…

By Mary Vansuch April 20, 2014 University of Chicago freshmen  was bestowed a MacArthur Award last Monday for accomplishing a truly extraordinary task: using his friend Alex’s preferred gender pronoun, “they.” When…

By Harry Weinstein Nov. 2, 2018 Claiming that he lives independently from social media these days, 39 year-old local resident Matt Dewey said it’s been “pretty freeing to just be here, in the…

By Jack U. Leighton Jan. 17, 2017 Ø  119th Congress to conduct all business via 4chan.org/pol     Ø  The freshly-inaugurated 119th Congress kicked off a historic session by rewriting the senate’s rules…

By Chase Harrison Nov. 9, 2015 1. Bobby Jindal Jindal’s intense fiscal conservatism has not sparked Republican voters interest. Despite strong statements on immigration, Jindal remains a non-factor in the race. 2. “Papa”…

By Santa Claus Dec. 25, 2013 Dear Children of the World, Christmas is here! I hope you’re as excited as I am. The holidays are such an exciting time of the year. Eating,…