By Adam Lowinger May 13, 2016 Bluegrass cat (2006) – Fallen out of use and relevance in recent years. An appointment scheduled for Glue factory. Hard Spun (2007) – Used his fame and…

By President Benjamin Harrison Jan. 24, 2015 WASHINGTON 1889 — In this historical moment, I, President Benjamin Harrison, have decided to cement my lasting legacy by adding two new states— North Dakota and…

By Nora Helfand Jan. 7, 2013 You all know David Axelrod, Nate Silver, Kurt Vonnegut, and Vixen; Edwin Hubble, John Ashcroft, Roger Ebert and Blitzen. But do you recall the most obscure College…

By Ryan Fleishman May 12, 2017 How To Stay Calm When Your Bowling Date Misses An Easy 7-10 SplitWe’ve all been there:. yYou‘ are on a bowling date with a seemingly nice girl…

By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 18, 2016 Step 1: Be Confident. Using a group room for individual study is an exercise in confidence. Maybe you belong there, maybe you don’t. Fake it till you…

By Isaac Krone Oct. 26, 2014 Sources close to The Dealer confirm that at approximately 10:17 p.m. Wednesday evening, Rickert House resident Ian MacPherson reached the apotheosis of his existence. Ian’s life will…

By Adam Lowinger March 24, 2017 Following the end of her father’s term as President, Natashia “Sasha” Obama has decided to dedicate her time to establishing the Kids Next Door (K.N.D.).  For those…

By Charlotte Rieder, 2075 Jan. 22, 2016 “CHICAGO, IL”—Oobserving the not-quite-bleak landscape in front of him, Mark Ackerman, a survivor of The Disaster, reported that life in the Territory—formerly known as the United…

By Daniel Moattar April 21, 2014 The Pritzker School of Medicine’s inaugural Doctors Without Boyers expedition departed Hyde Park for the Republic of Somaliland today, becoming the first party of U.S. doctors to…

By John Logan Buterbaugh Nov. 2, 2018 In a move right out of your childhood, Mother Nature ended her 300,000 year old relationship with Mankind following the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change’s shocking…