By Old Dr. Zimzam May 5, 2018  Sponsored

By Chicago Shady Dealer Merchandise Ltd April 20, 2018 *Not Actual Size Never forget about your University’s unique and steadfast commitment to academic and political freedoms with the Chicago Shady Dealer’s new “Free…

By Ryan Fleishman Feb. 20, 2018 Prozac In a sting operation planned over the course of seven months, the University of Chicago Police Department (UCPD) finally took down a massive University drug ring…

By Thomas Noriega Jan. 30, 2018 1. The Glow-Box During the day, it’s just another box plugged into your shared surge protector, but at night, it radiates an eerie blue glow directly into…

By Deb Mukherjee Oct. 17, 2017 Following the lead of our peer, and also lesser news outlets (Buttfeed), the Shady Dealer has decided to pivot entirely to video. It is our feeling that…

By Zakir Jamal Oct. 17, 2017 4 Drawers Your Parents Definitely Shouldn’t Open This Family Weekend 1. The bottom drawer of your dresser Shit — this is where you keep most of the…

By Greer Baxter Aug. 18, 2017 Let me just say right here and now that I’m not taking any crap from anyone on this. No, I don’t have cCeliac disease (there, I said…

By Dan Lastres May 15, 2017 Heartwarming! After this Campus tour guide fell off the roof of Logan, her entire tour group followed her anyways!You never know when tragedy is going to strike,…

By Nik Varley April 20, 2017 Student Asks Mugger If He Takes Venmo 55th and Maryland – At approximately 8:47 PM, eyewitnesses told the Dealer that student Todd Greenblatt was mugged on his…

By Ryan Fleishman March 27, 2017 After an intense research and development period involving complex mathematics and squiggly speed lines, famed White Sox All-Star pitcher José Quintana has invented an entirely new baseball…