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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    United States Rewrites Foreign Policy In Wake Of Student Government Decision

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ryan Fleishman April 22, 2016 Following The University of Chicago Student Government’s majority decision to support the boycott, divest, and sanction resolution against Israel, President Barack Obama and the entire United States…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Bio-Curious Student Registers for Genetics Class

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 18, 2016 Second-year and self-described “bio-curious” student Jenny Anderson was seen earlier this week registering for BIOS 11128, an introductory biology course for non-majors. Anderson, 19, told the Dealer…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Iowa Caucus Thrusts Itself into Tight Campaign

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Zachary Spitz Feb. 2, 2016 On Monday, after months of vigorous campaigning across the state of Iowa, Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas wascame out on the receiving end of a massive caucus.…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    All the Star Wars Movies, Ranked

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Ruttenberg, 2046 Jan. 22, 2016 Star Wars Episode XVIII: The Roast of Chewbacca Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope Star Wars Episode…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    An Open Letter to the Other Guy in this Revolving Door

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Walker King Jan. 3, 2016 Hey buddy, how are you doing? In a revolving door, I see. And not just any revolving door. This revolving door, with me. Welcome. You’ve probably already…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Nirvana Preemptively Eliminated from Summer Breeze Lineup

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ryan Fleishman Nov. 20, 2015 In an unexpected turn of events, the Major Activities Board has officially announced this Wednesday that Nirvana will not be able to perform at this year’s Summer…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Despite Facebook RSVP, Student Doesn’t Attend Frat Party

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison Nov. 11, 2015 While SSsecond– y Year Rhonda Wong spent her Friday night on November 13 relaxing in her single in South, watching Aziz Ansari’s new Netflix series Master of…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Financially Struggling Rainbow to Cut Indigo

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ryan Fleishman Oct. 25, 2015 Last Friday, The Rainbow announced that its sixth color, indigo, has been officially removed from all future and current incarnations of itself due to budget constraints. While…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Jim Webb Eats Large, Sloppy Sandwich

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nik Varley Oct. 16, 2015 Viewers of last night’s Ddemocratic debate were surprised to see presidential hopeful Jim Webb eating a large, sloppy meatball sub throughout the event. Several minutes into the…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    First Year Frantically Struggles to Acquire Phone Numbers

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Erin Horning Aug. 7, 2015 First-year Mona Everett thought she was set for college when her parents dropped her and all of her brand-new college gear off on the steps of Max…

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  • 50 History Majors Agree to “Just Share” Required Textbook
  • Trump invokes presidential immunity after 7-Eleven shoplifting incident
  • Candace Owens Claims Ghost of Christmas Past was Charlie Kirk the Whole Time
  • Top 5 Discoveries I Made When My Lyft Took Me to My Date an Hour Late
  • Applications Open for Admissions Office’s “Spontaneous University Compliment Squad”

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