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Every HUMA Class Ranked by How Badly You Have to Shit During it
By Christian Villanueva Nov. 11, 2018 8. Readings in World Literature How can a class make you need to poop? You don’t have to poop at all! You’re having a blast reading The…
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How to Communicate with Your Parents Through Your Amazon Order History
By Audrey Fromson Oct. 27, 2018 It’s amazingly easy to forget about the people who brought us into this world. Ghosting my parents is my fatal flaw; while it makes me seem cool…
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First Impressions: Writing a Bomb AF SOSC Essay
By Ella Hester Sept. 24, 2018 Look at you, in your little first year boots, squealing in terror about the impression you’ll make with your first SOSC essay. Have no fear, baby…
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From Russia with Language Barriers: 2018 World Cup Coverage
By Diego Matamoros June 18, 2018 Welcome to the World Cup We here at the Shady Dealer are proud to present our coverage of the 2018 World Cup, the most notable sporting event…
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Where Are They Now? Checking in With The Class of 1890
By Deblina Mukherjee May 5, 2018 Hyde Park, 2018 For more than 265 years, University of Chicago alumni have contributed extensively to the life of the University and to the larger society. Today,…
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“I Got Rectally Stimulated by Toilet Water, And I Liked It”
By Cyrus Pacht April 20, 2018 I am a paragon of heterosexuality, or so my fraternity tells me. I’ve ogled girls since the third grade, and once—surpassing many a UChicago male—ventured to speak…
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Album Review: Justin Timberlake’s “Man of the Woods”
By Nik Varley Feb. 20, 2018 Justin Timberlake In 1804, Lewis and Clark set forth on an incredible journey to explore the uncharted wilderness of the American Frontier. It is in the spirit…
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Homeopathic Breakthrough! “Expired Advil”
By Milena Pross Jan. 30, 2018 Throw all your arnica out the window and flush your chamomile down the toilet, folks! The doctors and doctors-adjacent just found the coolest new salve Gwyneth won’t…
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Reincarnation of Vincent Van Gogh Rips other ear off during SOSC seminar
By Tsijiari Ararey Oct. 17, 2017 After months of Frankenstein reruns, two liters of ammonium nitrate, and something to do withstem cells, the department of philosophy was able to reincarnate the remains of…
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Lanyard Fuses into First-Year’s Neck
By Chase Harrison Oct. 17, 2017 He is hard to miss on the quad. Goofy smile. Gigantic backpack. And a maroon lanyard with an attached plastic ID case bouncing off of his chest.…
