By Jacob Johnson Nov. 8, 2016 “Why would anyone, for any reason, answer a rhetorical question? If you answered that question in your head just now, fuck you- you’re part of the problem.”…

By Mary Vansuch July 28, 2015 Dinner party swag Yaaaaaaaasssssss (careful on spelling; this can dramatically change the value) Authentically Crafted Peoples of Smashing Freely Traded and Organically Grown Swagger Calumet Fisheries Children,…

By Hannah Gitlin Aug. 2, 2013 If you’re looking for a good family movie that presents the trials of college and young adulthood in a realistic, relatable way, you’ve probably already laughed with…

By By Ryan Fleishman Feb. 20, 2018 In an upset victory sure to define American sports for years to come, Lil Uzi Vert has officially won the Olympic gold medal in Men’s Freestyle…

By Liam Coles Aug. 1, 2016 I want to first preface this with the fact that there are many more reasons to sleep with me. These are just the top. I can last…

By CNN March 1, 2015 For years, CNN has prided itself on keeping its valued viewers abreast of the latest and most serious threats to their well-being and property. Some have deemed our…

By Ben Boyajian Feb. 24, 2013 Sunday morning, pandemonium reigned throughout the nation as citizens stabbed and bludgeoned each other to death in the streets. The cause of the killings remains unknown, but…

By Chase Harrison Aug. 22, 2017 My Day in the Marketplace of Ideas By Chase Harrison            The letter arrived in my mailbox with a flourish, shooting into my house. Was this FINALLY…

By Daniel Ruttenberg April 23, 2016 When I was a kid, I used to love baseball. Yessir, my ideal Friday was not ‘nt playing board games or running outside, it wasbut watching a…

By Chicago Shady Dealer Nov. 19, 2014 Free Condoms Removed from Campus as Part of New No Barriers Initiative Dean of Admissions James Nondorf announced Tuesday that, as part of the school’s new…