In his second memoir, “Ignore My First One,” Vance reveals that the root of his anger toward Zelensky was his thick lashes.

J.D. Vance admits that seeing Volodymyr Zelensky’s lashes triggered months of resentment, forcing him to repeatedly abandon his vice presidential duties to take lengthy vacations. But now, Vance is back—not to his position as VP, but as a makeup icon. Already deep in his eyeliner phase, he now hopes to make his mark in the lash world, though he’s banned from every store that sells, contains, or mentions couches, wiping out most makeup aisles. Forced online, he’s taken to posting high-quality review vlogs, convinced that if he works hard enough, Maybelline will recognize his dedication. You would think he would be focusing on fulfilling his civic duties, but makeup is his calling. He says his “true goal in life is to combine his two real passions: beauty and brown-nosing.”