Point: We Should Increase Fire Drills/Counterpoint: Let’s Add A Gym Requirement Instead
Point: We Should Increase Fire Drills
Fire drills are paramount to student safety. By providing students with simulated experiences of what would occur in the event of an actual fire, fire drills instruct students in how to respond calmly and safely.
Without these essential drills, students would wreak havoc, sprinting around in circles while wiggling their arms in the air like cartoon characters. Dozens of students may perish. A fire dragon could spawn after enough deaths. To prevent all three of these tragedies, the University must increase the number of fire drills to ensure that the appropriate response is engraved into each student’s muscle memories.
Moreover, the increase of fire drills would not disturb student life. Even at midnight, it is more than likely that half of the student population is studying at the Reg while the other half is sobbing uncontrollably under their beds.
Counterpoint: Let’s Add A Gym Requirement Instead
Face it. The only consequence of increasing fire drills is to force exhausted, sleep-deprived students to climb down the stairs (good luck to those on the 16th floor in Woodlawn) and stand outside in a raging blizzard for thirty minutes.
We’re all college students. We’re perfectly aware that the BEEP BEEP BEEP of the fire alarm means “GET OUTSIDE YOU UTTER IMBECILE” or “FRED FORGOT TO ADD WATER TO THE MAC AND CHEESE AGAIN – THAT IDIOT.”
So stop trying to be covert and instead be overt. Add the gym requirement. It’ll do the same thing, but in a warmer environment. 25 pushups, everyone!
Andrea Zhou — a self-proclaimed hot chocolate fanatic — is co-editor-in-chief. She has written and edited a number of articles for The Shady Dealer, and aspires to finish college with over a hundred articles under her name.
