[Redacted] is the Best Fucking Frat at UChicago, in a Tolstoyan Sense
Note: The name of the fraternities referenced in the following op-ed have been redacted due to repeated complaints from their members.
What’s up, what’s up. It’s Boog from [Redacted]. I just want to say that [Redacted] is by far the best frat on campus. We’re way better than those losers in [Redacted], those cucks in [Redacted], and especially those boners in [Redacted]. Our brotherhood is way stronger, our parties are way more lit, and our house is way nicer.
If you ask me, if we were characters in Leo Tolstoy’s 1878 classic novel Anna Karenina, all of those guys in the other frats would 100% be Alexei Vronsky. They’re suave and handsome, sure, but deep down they’re incapable of acting in anything except their own self-interest. Even in the pursuit of love they’re ultimately selfish and unwilling to sacrifice. I mean, these are the type of guys to drive a horse to its needless death during a race just to impress another man’s wife. They would literally court a young, beautiful woman for more than a year—just to amuse themselves, of course—and then lose interest in her and go off chasing somebody else. They’re so fucking heinous that when they would finally attempt to make a sacrifice and settle down with the woman they love, they would do so with a tiny amount of bitterness that would slowly poison the relationship.
The [Redacted] brothers, on the other hand? We’re a bunch of fucking Konstantin Levins. We might not be the most elegant guys in the world, but we’re strong enough to sacrifice for love, even when that sacrifice is enduring our pain and embarrassment for being our potential wives’ second choice. More than that, each of the chillers in [Redacted] would be able to forgive their wife for the torment that her rejection caused them, thus embracing the imperfection that is love and finding meaning in life itself. The [Redacted] brothers are so fucking ferda, and by that I mean ferda understanding that love requires sacrifice and will always be imperfect, but nevertheless is the only true path to meaning in this world.
Peace out,
Spencer “Boog” Bilkington III
