Point: Your Argument Isn’t Supported in the Data/ Counterpoint: I Know So Many More Latin Phrases than You
Point: Your Argument Isn’t Supported in the Data
Mark, the point you’re trying to make here is very interesting, but the data just doesn’t support it. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration estimates that nearly 41 thousand Americans died as a result of motor vehicle crashes in 2023.
Meanwhile, curtains—which you claim are “far more dangerous than automobiles in every conceivable way”—don’t appear at all in any list of major causes of death I’ve been able to find. I did find an article from NPR claiming there were around two hundred strangulation deaths by curtains over a period of twenty odd years, but that only works out to about ten a year, a far cry from making curtains “cloth assassins, thirsting for the taste of human blood.”
I’m just really curious how you came to the conclusion that curtains are so dangerous and what evidence you’re relying on.
Counterpoint: I Know So Many More Latin Phrases than You
Veni, vidi, vici. Cogito ergo sum. Caveat emptor. Carthago delenda est.
I have no doubt that you’re currently scratching your head wondering what in the world I could be saying right now. I wouldn’t expect an intellectual plebeian like you to understand the sine qua non of my argument nor all the ad hoc subtleties of my language. It seems to me you still have a highly a posteriori frame of mind. But fiat justitia ruat caelum, nevertheless.
In this case, as in all others, we must ask ourselves: Cui bono? The answer to that, my dear friend, is a de facto sort of a memento mori, and no coitus interruptus is going to change that. Per aspera ad astra, whether you like it or not.
The fact is that my claim about curtains killing more people from cars is not only true, but correctus maximus in excelsis. This is true ipso facto, as well as per se, and even ad infinitum, though you may not want to admit it. Your argument, however, is thoroughly casus belli, to say the least. My supremus cranius has once again brought me out on top, as I knew from the veritus startus.
I can see you’re becoming quite the habeas corpus as you realize how thoroughly in loco dementis I’ve got you. Well, my friend, you must always remember to aut Caesar aut nihil, even if at times you may feel a bit faux pas. I mean tabula rasa. Yeah.
Griffin is the deputy managing editor for this paper, and was born early in the morning.
