Another Woke Liberal Lie, Dining Hall French Fry Not Actually French

Students are outraged after a shocking revelation: The so-called “French Fry” served in the dining hall is made of sweet potato, and not, in fact, French. Students are calling it yet another example of “woke liberal deception infiltrating our meal plans.”

“I thought I was biting into freedom,” lamented second-year Chad McGrill, waving a limp fry in the air, “but it tasted… sweet. Too sweet. What’s next? Tofu nuggets?”

The dining hall defended its choice, claiming the switch was made to promote “healthier options and sustainability.” However, students aren’t buying it. “It’s cultural appropriation, plain and simple,” said one freshman, furiously googling if France even grows sweet potatoes. He later broke down into tears when learning french fries weren’t even French to begin with, just Belgian, like the waffle. 

The controversy escalated when a self-proclaimed fry activist group, Taters for Truth, launched a protest outside Bartlett Hall. “This isn’t just about fries,” declared their leader. “This is about integrity. If we can’t trust the fries, how can we trust the chips? The bread? The water? The administration?””

As tensions rise, one thing is clear: the campus is officially divided. Some students demand the return of real fries, while others argue sweet potato fries are a gateway to dark cults like veganism. Only time—and possibly a Fry Summit and new Geography Core course—will tell.