Extra! Extra! Fresh RSO Ads Here!
After weeks of back-and-forth communication, The Dealer has generously agreed to advertise for several newer RSOs at a rate of $500 per ad. Given our commitment to provide our readers a complete picture, we scrapped the descriptions the RSOs wanted us to provide and, after thorough investigation, wrote our own.
#1: Skydiving
As the formal description would tell you, there’s an upfront equipment fee of $100. As the formal description would not tell you, there’s currently a death toll of ten people, but no one had to disclose it since it didn’t happen on campus. Don’t worry though – as the description would assure you, it is perfectly safe and there isn’t any boring training module, so you can get right on with the ‘diving!
#2: Pizza Skaters
Unlike joining any sort of cooking, baking, or pizza-making RSO, joining the Pizza Skaters RSO will ensure that you almost immediately receive quality pizza slices to consume. What the Pizza Skaters do is simple: put on their roller skates, place a large pizza on the ground, and start a free-for-all. Whatever you manage to divide is yours to keep and eat. Hey, it’s free.
#3: Light Bulbs Squad
According to one of our investigators who managed to join this elite, secretive “Squad,” the members sit in a red circle surrounded by unlit light bulbs in a dark room for an hour. Our investigator said that the leader chanted in elementary Latin about the “God of Light Bulbs,” and the light bulbs started flickering. You’ll have to join if you want to figure out what happens after that.
#4: Hotel Hopping
This RSO hopes to explore all the hotels in Illinois (and in the far future, expand to hotels in other states) and rate them. It’s quite fun, if you have strong legs (they take the hopping part very seriously).
#5: Impersonation
The first lesson is how to wear a fake, curly mustache convincingly (no authentically mustachioed members allowed). If you can’t do that, this is not the club for you.
Andrea Zhou — a self-proclaimed hot chocolate fanatic — is one of our beloved staff writers as well as a deputy copy editor. She has written and edited a number of articles for The Shady Dealer, and aspires to finish college with over a hundred articles under her name.
