O-Week Ball Pit Surprisingly Fun
THE QUAD — In an effort to appeal to the new class of the incoming first-years, University administration installed a ten-foot-deep ball pit in the northwest portion of the Main Quadrangle on Sunday.
The University describes the ball pit as “an epic mix of adventure, play, and adrenaline” that features friendly, familiar characters such as Batguy (no relation), Mikey Mouse (no relation), and Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (no relation). “I just want these kids to have fun,” said Head Ball Pit Supervisor Keith Michaels. “They’re young, they’re fresh, and they’re on their own for the first time. They’re gonna have some extra energy, and we hope that this copyright compliant pit can get some of that hyperactivity out before classes start. Haha.”
While some members of the class of 2028 turned up their noses at this classic bowl of enchantment, many jumped right in. “The best part was when I beaned my O-Mance in the face,” said Riley Hiddleston, a first-year from Michigan. “I had to get him back for kissing a Rustandy House girl at the Glow Party.” She added, “We actually ended up making out under all the balls.”
Said Roger Bumph, a first-year from Massachusetts, “I really liked the inclusion of my favorite characters, like Rob the Builder and the raccoon from Guards of the Galaxy. Also Simone de Beauvoir. It was really awesome to swim in those balls with my heroes.” It seems to us at the Dealer that the ball pit has nothing short of a smashing success.
UPDATE—at 4:06pm the Dealer received news that Roger Bumph, who was featured in our article, had to be rescued by UCPD after nearly suffocating at the bottom of the ball pit. As of now, his condition is stable.
UPDATE—at 4:09 pm George Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel escaped from the pit.
Maisie. Maisie is an editor-in-chief. Like a well-maintained orchid, Maisie will live indefinitely. "Reach for the stars, kid." -Maisie Thompson
