Six Scrumptious Ways to Make Your HUM Crush Fall in Love with You

So you have a HUM crush. Whether it’s the brooding way they sit in a corner and never speak in class, or the cocky tilt to their eyebrow when they take up the entire class period explaining trickle down economics, there’s just something about that special someone in your 2-3:20 HUM section that just makes your heart (and other places) throb. There’s one problem: You don’t know how to approach them. Fear not, humble seeker of love! We posed this question to Phil Dixon’s 9:30pm section of Philosophical Perspectives and compiled their responses in this handy article!

1. Cora, who requested that we don’t use her real name so as to not interfere with her burgeoning medical career, says: “Just go up to them after class and talk to them about a point they made! I also find that joining the same writing seminar as them and criticizing their essays super hard makes it clear to them that you’re paying attention. I told my HUM crush that his take on Descartes was the shittiest, most pathetic and unsubstantiated claim I’d ever read in my life, and now he’s always giving me this super dreamy intense look!”
2. Joule, a computer science major, suggests: “Trauma dump during discussion.”
3. Alex, who lifts, declares: “DO NOT TALK TO THEM. Acknowledging their existence is a sign of weakness and doesn’t make you brooding, mysterious, or sexy to them at all. I’m proud to say that, on the first day of winter quarter, I carefully selected my seat to optimize lack of interaction. I chose a seat perpendicular to my crush’s so that I wouldn’t have to look at them, but they would become transfixed by my sharp profile and elegant visage.”
4. Tyleigh, an aspiring lawyer, advises: “Sit right next to them and participate in class a lot so that they see you as the sharpest academic weapon in the armory.”
5. Jake, a self-published poet, recommends: “Stare at them unblinkingly and attempt to telepathically project your feelings into their mind. If they seem uncomfortable, then you know it’s working, so stare harder. Soon, they will become so in love with you that they will start crossing the quad when they see you coming just to avoid combusting from how much their heart beats for you.”
6. Brock, who is pledging the Iron Key Society, asked us “Uhhh, can you repeat the question?”