Report: Guy Still Fucking Talking

HARPER 140 — The University is preparing to enter crisis mode as administrators monitor a threat developing out of a HUM class. According to eyewitnesses, silly old Chad Parler raised his hand and is still trying to assure the teacher he understands what sarcasm is. Eight minutes have passed without anyone stepping in to stop the trainwreck. Reporters say Brent may be leaking second-hand embarrassment into the classroom air, and scientists urge all students to evacuate.