The Dealer sat down for an exclusive interview with newly-inaugurated President Paul Alivisatos. In doing so, the Dealer has become the only student publication to gain access to the elusive campus giant. (The Maroon could not.)   So, Paul, we’re excited to have you with us. Let us be the first to congratulate you on the new posting. We’re sure this is the start of a defining chapter in the University’s history. Alivisatos: Despite my tyrociny, I shan’t be inveigled by your panegyric blandishments.   Okay. Well. Anyway. Let’s start this interview off: what is your first priority as president? Alivisatos: Concurrent to my abalienation, I have descried a certain…

For the UChicago white community, it has been a hard year. Starbucks did not bring back the chestnut praline latte, Urban Outfitters discontinued “nevertheless she persisted” y2k baby tees and, most recently, Taylor Swift emerged from her barnyard chic McMansion to bravely rerecord her Red album. As of this morning, white women everywhere have relived the heartbreak and acne-filled anguish of their middle school years in Taylor Swift’s new old music. Avoid insensitive phrases. While mentioning Jake Gyllenhaal at the house table during a discussion about Donnie Darko seems appropriate, it may be detrimental to your white friend’s well being. White woman tears are real, and they aren’t a joke.…