Chicago Shady Dealer

White House Leaks: Bannon Sends Trump to Bed, and with No Dessert

By Dan Lastres
March 25, 2017

An internal memo leaked to the Chicago Shady Dealer by an anonymous White Hhouse insider staffers says that President Trump was “sent to bed early for misbehaving,” and that Steven Bannon “did not even let him have dessert first”. This marks the third time this week that the president’s antics and undisciplined tweeting have cost him his evening TV session. The memo went on to describe Bannon’s actions as “unfair!” and “sad!”

The memo doesn’t say what, specifically, Trump did to lose his dessert and TV privileges. HoweverBut, several white house sources have confirmed that the president’s habit of speaking his mind and acting without consulting his team are to blame.

Presidents typically have a great deal of control over their own schedules, be they packed or leisurely. However, it seems that such control is negotiable when the president is “being naughty.” Many in the media have speculated over the degree of how much influence chief strategist Bannon has over the president on key issues like domestic policy and military strategy. While theThe memo doesn’t address these areas, it seems to clearly indicates that when it comes to Trump’s bedtime, Bannon has the final say.

The White Hhouse has not confirmed the authenticity of the leak and has ignored several requests for comment. When our reporter asked press secretary Sean Spicer about how the president is being disciplined, Spicer spat on his shoe. “The president is a grown man who eats fast food and ice cream whenever he pleases”, Spicer bumbled “every night, he is hard at work, working hard, and reading, and deal making.”

A leaked internal memo from the secret service stated that the 45th President of the United States has been sent to bed early at least once a week since inauguration. “The president was sent to bed for the 4th time this month last night” the memo reads, “he’s spent the evening also watching old Apprentice episodes under the coversin bed most nights.” The memo goes on to state that Trump still goes to bed early most nights because he’s a 71-year-old man.