University to open Center on Alpha Centauri
By Alexander Dunlap
April 20, 2014
Inspired by the success of the UChicago Centers in Paris, Beijing, and Delhi, the University of Chicago is in the early planning phases of a new Center on Alpha Centauri, a spokesman reported yesterday.
According to Lewis Fortner, Associate Dean of Students in the College, the University of Chicago Center on Alpha Centauri promises to add to the already-stellar collection of international opportunities available to UChicago’s undergraduate population. “Some of our brightest students come to me every day asking, ‘I’ve been to Paris, I’ve been to Beijing, I’ve been to Delhi—where can I go that I haven’t been before?’” Fortner explained. “Study-abroad programs on Alpha Centauri promise to be out-of-this-world experiences, especially for students planning careers in long-range diplomacy, extraterrestrial exploitation, or intergalactic tourism and hospitality.”
Nonetheless, Fortner said, the Center on Alpha Centauri will not be an ideal destination for all students. “The ideal person for this type of program would be one who is highly self-motivated and self-sufficient,” Fortner explained. “Alpha Centauri lacks many modern luxuries and conveniences that we take for granted here in Chicago, such as high-quality restaurant food, efficient public transportation, and oxygen. Moreover, University study-abroad staff will have a limited ability to resolve any conflicts or crises that may arise.”
University officials cited challenges inherent in constructing and operating the planned center, but were confident that any obstacles could be overcome. The first hurdle is obtaining building permits for the center itself. “Quite frankly, we haven’t been able to get in touch with anyone on Alpha Centauri about what forms we have to sign or anything,” said Ian Solomon, Vice President for Global and Inter-Global Engagement. “They just won’t return any of our calls. The way they operate, it’s as if the place were devoid of any intelligent life.” The University is also in talks with First Transit, currently the operator of the UChicago NightRide system, regarding a potential contract for transportation of students and faculty to and from Alpha Centauri. Solomon explained that, even given optimal travel time, students participating in Center on Alpha Centauri programs may have an extended study period of 155,000 years rather than the traditional four.
Solomon indicated that the University was committed to working with local stakeholders to the greatest extent possible during and after construction of the Center. “The Center in Alpha Centauri, like all of our Centers away from Chicago, will not exist in a vacuum,” he explained. “We want the Center to be an integral part of the space in which it resides.”
