U of C Professor Publishes Breakthrough findings in Human Knot Theory:

By Alek Binion

May 13, 2016

The University of Chicago mathematics department was abuzz this past Saturday after peer review determined the validity of faculty member Paul Phillips revolutionary findings in the already well-developed area of human knot theory, the area of topology studying the interactions of linked and un-ice-broken peers in Rb and Rb-cajzh, business and business casual spaces respectively.

Phillips groundbreaking work offers rigorous justification for both the “Sticky Hands” and the “Tommy-Salami” conjectures. The Sticky Hands conjecture stating that in Rb compassion between all knotted peers does guarantee broken ice, while the Tommy-Salami conjecture stating that in a business casual space appropriate footwear is a must.

Phillips acknowledged that his discoveries would not have been possible without the work of his colleagues Julie Freeman and Eleanor Wu and there work in 4th dimensional N-legged races, specifically in there development of the “peer putdown” test for determining a negative Nancy.