Three Reasons You Should Write for Us (The Chicago Shady Dealer) Instead of Posting in the Meme Pages

By Deblina Mukherjee

Sept. 24, 2018

1. When people ask if you peaked in college, you will be able to unambiguously answer, “No!”

Ah, the thrill of posting memes regurgitated from Twitter and modified to be quasi-inside-jokes in a page exclusive to your elite institution of higher learning. Ah, the ephemeral beauty of racking up hundreds of likes and comments. It’s the elite college dork equivalent of popularity. Prospies look up to you. Your friends call you a memelord. Little do they know, you feel good about yourself for only a few fleeting seconds.

Writing for us takes real character. Slaving away, writing hundreds of words for a paltry four likes. This is comedy Karate Kid. Wax on, wax off every Sunday in Harper 145.

2 . Not contributing to the big evil data machine we know as Fa*cebook

If you’ve been following the news, you know that Facebook is a shit show on planet What-The-Fuck. Poor Mark Zuckerberg, with his dumb hoodies and toxic Silicon Valley bro-culture. He just wanted a website that would let him rank the hottest girls more easily, and whoopsie, he sold your grandma’s data to neo-Nazis. Protect your data, protect yourself, protect democracy, use protection, write for us.

3. Reach a much wider audience with us

You know who you’re reaching with meme pages. The demographic is fairly clear: students at your university, probably some high school students who do speech and debate, maybe some nerds from other colleges. When you write for us, you reach all those people in a less abrasive way and you also reach Ed Zamborsky! A win for you.