Thousands Will Dye

By The Easter Bunny

April 20, 2014

There will be an attack. I can’t tell you when or where, but it is going to happen. Soon. And there will be casualties. In the thousands. Tens of thousands. The rivers will run red with blood and the air will stink of flesh. There is nothing you can do.

Payback! Revenge for the disrespect we are shown every spring. Costumes and cartoons mocking our proud race. Our image is eaten in effigy! No longer!!!

We have no demands. We have no hostages. We desire no ransom. The blood of the soon-to-be-dead will be on your hands. You who have taken to the fields each Easter, pining for colorful eggs and making a mockery of all Rabbit kind! This behavior will not go unpunished. It cannot! This world is just and with God’s will we will have our revenge.

I assure you this is no yolk. We have progressed in peeps and bounds, and we will basket in the glory of our attacks. I’ll see you all in shell!