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Aug. 1, 2015
Being the incredibly sexy people we are, Dealer writers are uniquely equipped to guide you through the perilous journey of your first college romance. So here is athe step by step guide to rationalizing the most tantalizing of early college relationships: boning your housemate.
Note: For full effectiveness, the Dealer recommends repeating these mantras in a “back and forth” style with your partner. In a pinch, saying them to yourself can also work. Happy canoodling!
1. “This won’t be weird, I mean, …we live down the hall from each other, but still. I mean Iit will be fine.”
2. “I mean, pPeople say housecest is bad, but that’s just because people aren’t mature enough to handle it. We can be adults about this, right? Yeah, we can.”
3. “And we will always have someone close by so we can stay warm during the cold Chicago winters.”
4. “And house trips can be like mini-dates!”
5. “And since we are first years, we can form a shared house friend group; that way we don’t have to worry about not liking each other’s friends”
6. “But first, if we break up, I get Jim, and you get Lauren”
7. “Why the fuck do you get Lauren?”
8. “Lauren and I bonded at that party”
9. “Well fuck you, too.”
10. “OKk, fine., Iif you get Lauren and Jim, I get Philip.”
11. “And tThink of how convenient our walk of shame will be. It’s like six feet!”
12. “And we could even shower together, that would be so hot… as long as someone doesn’t walk in.”
13. “We’ll keep it casual. Living next door won’t change that, right? No… I think I kinda love you. Let’s move your bed into my room.”
