TA Rebrands Discussion Section as “Darties” in Hope Someone Will Actually Show Up

By By Dumbo McGonagall

May 25, 2018

In response to declining attendance and a total abandonment of moral fiber, your TA has decided to take matters into their own hands and has sent out an email informing students that the weekly discussion sections will be changed to “Psi U + [Insert your Major Department here] Present: Alcohol, Real People, and your Midterm From 5th Week You Haven’t Picked Up.” The aim of this new initiative is to “to save your GPA, by whatever means necessary,” according to an anonymous source.

The Canvas notification in your inbox reads, “Hello all, this is a reminder that the weekly darty will be in [building you’ve never been to] 107. Please come prepared to discuss the problem se–I mean, drink and do party things on a weekday.”

The student reaction has been mixed. The initiative has been described as “the most transparent ruse since your uncle said, ‘Got your nose!’ to you as a toddler.” We stopped second year Dalton Thomas en route to the darty.

“I can’t believe someone would do something like this,” choked out Thomas between sobs, “to take such an important part of my education as a darty and bastardize it like that! Have you no decency, you monster? Darties were the only thing keeping me going.”  

Other students were not so easily fooled.

“Honestly, it was pretty clear from the fact that only 20 people were invited on the Facebook event and that the only event description was ‘making poor decisions in a well lit room,’” said third year Ashley Johnson. 

The Dealer attempted to contact your TA for more information; however, we have no idea who that is because we’ve never met him or her, and neither have you. Maybe we should read the syllabus. Maybe we should all read the syllabus.