Student Viciously Trundles to Class

By Morgan Pantuck

Feb. 26, 2014

Engaged in a mode of locomotion which can only truly be described as “trundling,” first-year Maxwell Kagan viciously attempted to increase the speed at which he moved across campus last Thursday evening, with little to no success. Kagan was awkwardly dragging his feet through several inches of snow on his way to Cobb Hall when he glanced at his watch and realized that he would miss the beginning of class unless he managed to move his legs up and down at a brisker pace.

He muttered, “shit, shit shit shit,” focusing a concentrated effort into increasing the length and frequency of his steps while sadly continuing to shuffle towards the building at essentially the same, slushy pace. He eventually arrived six minutes late, dejected and moist. Reached for comment, Kagan was unable to make a statement, as a blustery wind was pushing him towards the Reg at an uncomfortably swift speed.