Silver Lining: She Might Not Be President, But Hillary Clinton Is Our New IOP Fellow!

By Chase Harrison and Milena Pross

Dec. 3, 2016

The Institute of Politics announced that former Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton will be a fellow in residence this winter. Clinton will host a series of seminars where she will discuss her career. When reached for comment, Hillary said that she was “more excited than she could articulate!”

“This whole election has been so stressful. But in the end, I won. Not only did I get more than 2 million more votes than Trump, but I also get the opportunity to be a Fellow at the IOP where I can teach the best and brightest minds at the University of Chicago about government and politics!”

Hillary continued that she was most excited to live a Fellow’s life. Much of her excitement was centered around the chance to live in Hyde Park. “Hyde Park is such a cool neighborhood full of young, millennial voters. And only steps away from the former home of Barack Obama, our forty-fourth president! And I’ve heard it’s got some amazing restaurants like Mikkey’s Retro Grill! I can’t wait to get three milkshakes there and charge them all to the IOP!” Hillary boasted.

Hillary wasn’t thrilled about all the parts of being a fellow, however. She specifically noted that she wasn’t sure how she’d feel about living in the basement of the IOP. However, she said that she was willing to deal with it because there was so much else to look forward to. “I think I’m most excited that I get to have dinner with David Axelrod and be on his podcast, the Axe Files! Wow!” said Ms. Clinton.

The Institute of Politics has announced that it will release an application in the coming weeks for students with an interest in politics to become a Fellows Ambassador to Hillary. Being a liaison to a Fellow is a great way to start off your college career and demonstrate an interest in government and diplomacy!

“I’d love to be a Fellows Ambassador for Hillary!” said second-year Terry Stamps. “I’m not sure if I want to go into finance or government but I think Hillary could maybe give me some clarity, and probably it would look pretty cool on my resume. I have a resume.”

“Right now I only own one blazer, but I’m hoping if I get the Ambassadorship I could get maybe three more blazers. Since I’m only a first year, I think by the time I graduate I could have upwards of seventy blazers if I play my cards right,” added fellow Fellow Ambassador competitor Geraldine Doorschtopp.

“Usually I’ve never heard of most of the IOP fellows,” stated third-year biology major Esmeralda Hamilton, “But I’ve definitely heard of Hillary Clinton! I’m in a bowling RSO that does cool fun events, like we get dinner together a lot, so maybe we can set something up with the IOP so she comes bowling or has dinner with us.”

David Axelrod, Director of the IOP, stated that he could not be more excited for Hillary to be at the University. “For anyone who doesn’t think the UChicago IOP is the best IOP, you can suck it!”