School Declares Penile Deficiency Syndrome Awareness Week

By Michaela Cross

Nov. 11, 2013

Dean of Students Susan Art has announced in a press release that the College plans to enact an annual “PDS Awareness Week.”

“The University of Chicago cares about its student body,” Art said in the document. “That’s why we’re starting PDS Awareness Week – in order to make PDS awareness a top priority on campus.”

Penile Deficiency Syndrome, also known as nodicktosis, is a chronic disease resulting from a mutation in a fetus’ Y chromosome. Individuals with the condition are born with concave rather than convex genitalia, and fail to develop externalized gonads at the age of puberty. Sufferers are characterized by generally being shorter and weaker than their healthy counterparts, and possessing pectoral abscesses. Forty-seven percent of the incoming freshmen class claim to suffer from the condition.

“We’ve been hearing from a lot of our students that the administration doesn’t really understand the challenges this genetic condition presents for its victims each day,” said Art. “And PDS Awareness Week, or ‘PAW’, is our answer for those students.”

PDS Awareness Week will be held during Eighth Week in Ida Noyes, and will present a number of educational events and information sessions designed to help sufferers find means of mitigating side effects.

“Heightened emotion, blood loss, depression, even pregnancy,” said John Manlipants, student coordinator for the event. “The side effects are truly astonishing. I think it’s humbling to know that people fight and live with this disease every day of their lives.”

“Of course, there’s stigma attached to the condition,” said Charles Witherington IV, member of the Board of Trustees. “But I, for one, admire PDS survivors, and sympathize with their difficulties. I can’t even imagine trying to read The Republic while simultaneously not having a penis. Truly unbelievable.”

There is hope on the horizon. “We at the University of Chicago Medical Hospital are working on a drug that will not only halt but entirely reverse the effects of PDS,” said Dr. Shawn Burgerberg. “We’ve engaged in a few tests on grad students and have seen a lot of positive results.”

Art concedes that the research is promising, but said it doesn’t change the present. “That’s why in addition to PAW we’re working on long-term projects,” said Art. “We are going to have weekly meetings for those with the disease, to talk about their feelings and about their condition.”

The weekly meetings will be held in the Student Health building, conveniently located next to the Alpha Delta Pi fraternity house.