Santa Looking to Split Uber from Midway

By Emily Feigenbaum

Dec. 26, 2018

image via stuckattheairport.com

After a long night of delivering Christmas presents to the bright-eyed children of the world, Santa Claus is heading back home to Hyde Park later today and is looking to split an Uber with someone from Chicago Midway International Airport to campus. Santa’s flight gets in at around 1:45 p.m., but he’s flexible. Just let him know!

Forty minutes before his Southwest flight from the North Pole to Chicago boarded, Santa posted in the UChicago class pages on Facebook to gauge whether other students were also arriving to Midway this afternoon and if they would be interested in splitting an Uber back to campus. Half-paying attention to a gate change announcement for a different flight, Santa impatiently refreshed his news feed a few times to see if other students had commented on his post.

Known for his white and red ensemble, Santa looked nearly unrecognizable standing outside of a Hudson News in his maroon pullover sweatshirt, Adidas track pants, and white sneakers.

“I like to wear a UChicago sweatshirt on my flights back to Chicago so it’s easier to find other students who are interested in splitting a ride back to Hyde Park,” Santa explained to the Shady Dealer, taking his Apple AirPods out of his ears. Santa also noted that his signature black belt and matching boots are a hassle to take off when going through security.

When asked about his winter break, Santa vaguely indicated that it was fine.

“Yeah, Christmas really does pass by quickly,” Santa said while checking his phone to gauge how much a Lyft Line cost in comparison to an Uber Pool. “To navigate eight reindeer on a magical worldwide sleigh ride while carrying presents for millions of children can be exhausting, so it’ll be nice to have a few days off before winter quarter begins.”

Feeling restless coordinating a ride-sharing plan back to campus before boarding and takeoff, Santa decided to head to Gate B12 early. As the A group lined up to board, Santa and other antsy travelers hovered around the line so that they could get a good spot when their groups were called.

Visibly irritated with a shrieking child rolling on the floor of the gate, Santa cracked his knuckles, opened the notepad application on his phone, and began furiously typing next year’s naughty list. 

“Let me tell you, airports around Christmas time are an absolute nightmare,” the frustrated North Pole native muttered.

Santa checked his Facebook notifications once more before tightening his grip on his empty toy sack carry-on and fixating his eyes on the boarding screens. B-group passengers positioned themselves in line for boarding.

“I should have set an alarm to check in for my flight, but honestly I was pretty swamped yesterday and it slipped my mind,” Santa explained. “I’m in the C group. I’m not happy about it, but it’s fine I guess. I just hope that when we deplane I can find another UChicago student by baggage claim who is looking to split a ride back to campus.”