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Oct. 10, 2016
Donald Trump Quote or Nickelback LyricSupporters of both problematic blonds are afraid to go public. by Shira Eisenberg 1. Let’s start off with an easy one:
“When you’re a star, they let you do it.
You can do anything.
Grab them by the pussy…You can do anything.”
A. Donald Trump
B. Nickelback
2. Got it? How about this one?
“’No’ is just a thought that never crosses my mind.”
A. Sounds like The Donald
B. Gotta be Nickelback
3. Getting used to this? Here’s a curve ball.
“The judge is going easy because he paid for her chest.”
A. Typical Trumpster
B. Good ol’ Chad Kroeger
4. “I was lying when I told her that I’m only gonna lick her tonight!”
A. Put your tongue back in your mouth, Donald
A. Nickelback-that-ass-up
5. How about this gem?
“Must be a pretty picture, you dropping to your knees.”
A. Trump
B. Sounds like 2000s rock to me
6. Difficult ay?
“Sorry there is no star on the stage tonight.”
A. GOP Candidate
B. Most hated band in history
7. “I can actually make my enemies tell the truth.”
A. Trumpty Dumpty
B. Who even came up with the name Nickelback?
8. This one could be either!
“My IQ is one of the highest—and you all know it!
Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure; it’s not your fault.”
A. Most definitely Trump
B. The backside of 5 cents
9. “Dreams just aren’t enough.”
A. Probably Trump regarding liberal policy
B. Probably Chad Kroeger regarding his musical career
10. “Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.”
A. Trump is getting deep
B. Nickelback
11. Here’s a tricky one
“No I don’t, No I don’t, No I don’t.”
A. The wall builder™
B. Nickelback (my ears hurtare bleeding already)
12. “She says I’m only telling half of it…That’s probably because there’s only half worth telling!”
A. Clearly Trump
B. Or is it Nickelback?
13. “Our country is out of control.”
A. Very Presidential
B. So probably Chad Kroeger
14. “You look so much cuter with something in your mouth.”
A. Definitely Trump
B. Nickelback
15. “We’re not about to live in this mass delusion… we don’t wanna hear another word you say.”
A. Trump
B. Nickelback lyrics
16. “What do we want? We want change. And how are we gonna get there? Revolution.”
A. Tbh this sounds like Bernie Sanders
B. But maybe it’s Nickelback
17. “You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful [women]—I just start kissing them.”
A. Risqué like Trump
B. Is Nickelback a pun of Quarterback?
18. “The world blew up around us. We lost everything, including all relationships.”
A. Donaldo
B. Half-a-dime-elback
19. “She likes to touch and tease. It’s always fun for me— it’s always unbelievable.”
A. Gotta be Trump
B. Nickel-fucking-back
20. “She’ll do any naughty thing I want.”
A. Donald
B. My friend Chad
21. “The more we drank, the less that we had on. And it turns out she’s got everything I want.”
A. Ah more “locker room talk,” eh, Donald?
B. Or Nickelback?
22. “The point is you can never be too greedy.”
A. Donald Trump
B. This would be too easy if it was trump… Nickelback
23. “Well, now I guess I should’ve listened when you said you’d had enough. A little trick I picked up from my father—in one ear and out the other.”
A. Donald
B. That’s gotta be a Nickelback lyric
24. “I had some beautiful pictures taken in which I had a big smile on my face.”
A. This is from a Trump memoir
B. Nah, it’s from a Nickelback song
25. “Stealing comes with practice; lying comes with ease.”
A. That’s also from a Trump memoir
B. JK it’s Nickelback
26. “I’m gonna make it all right, but not right now.”
A. Could there be a more Trump-ish quote?
B. It has to be Nickelback
27. “The brunettes move to New York. Blondes love California.”
A. Trump
B. Nickelbackeroo
28. “No, I’m not into anal.”
A. TMI Trump
B. OK Chad
29. “With the proper woman you don’t need Viagra.”
A. Trump (ew)
B. Nickelback is now catering to senior citizens
30. “Bing bing, bong bong, bing bing bing”
A. Please tell me this is Trump
B. It might be Nickelback
31. “They’ll get you anything with that evil smile.”
A. Trump
B. It’s Nickelback
32. “How can we fall asleep at night when something’s clearly wrong?
When we could feed a starving world with what we throw away?”
A. Ok yeah this isn’t Trump
B. It’s Nickelback sorry
33. “I guess nobody ever told her not to speak with a full mouth.”
A. Trump
B. Nickelback
34. “I wrote this out and it’s very close to my heart.”
A. Trump
B. Chad
35. “She’s not a baby. She was grabbing me.”
A. Trump
B. Please let this be Nickelback
36. “All I know is what’s on the internet.”
A. Trump
B. Was Nickelback around when the internet existed?
37. “Swing as hard as you can swing. It will still mean nothing.”
A. Donald Trump, the nihilist
B. Nickelback, the other nihilist
38. “Tell your friends not to think aloud until they swallow.”
A. Donald, come on
B. JK this is probably Nickelback
39. “Believe me.”
A. Trump
B. Nickelback
40. “You won’t believe me, so go and see for yourself—from Mexico to New York.”
A. Trump (he said Mexico)
B. Nickelback
41. “I was gonna hit this guy so hard his head would spin.”
A. A Presidential candidate, ladies and gents
B. Just Chad Kroeger
42. “I’m building a wall, ok? I’m building a wall.”
A. Obvious Trump
B. Ok yeah just pick A
43. “I am not a leader of men. I prefer to follow.”
A. Trump
B. Chad
44. “I don’t care it was a long time ago.”
A. Donald Trump
B. Or Chad Kroeger
45. “No, I don’t guess. I don’t sacrifice.”
A. Gotta be Donald
B. But it’s Nickelback
46. “Women: you have to treat them like shit.”
A. The man that wants to be our president
B. A bad rock star
47. “You can tell them to go fuck themselves. Because they let you down and they left.”
A. Donald
B. Nickelback
48. “I got caught up in favorable slavery.”
A. Kinky Donald
B. Kinky Chad
49. “Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah.”
A. Donald
B. Kroeger
50. “How many ‘I told you’s’ and ‘start over’s’‘ and shoulders have you cried on before? How many promises? Be honest, girl. How many tears you let hit the floor? How many bags you packed just to take them back? Tell me that how many ‘either or’s? Well no more, if you let me inside of your world, there’ll be one less lonely girl.”
A. Trick question: this is Justin Bieber circa 2009
ANSWER KEY: 1A 2B 3B 4B 5A 6A 7A 8A 9B 10A 11B 12B 13A 14B 15B 16B 17A 18A 19B 20B 21B 22A 23B 24A 25B 26B 27B 28A 29A 30A 31B 32B 33B 34A 35A 36A 37B 38B 39B 40B 41A 42A 43A 44A 45B 46A 47A 48B 49B 50A
