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Dec. 22, 2016
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px ‘Trebuchet MS’; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000} p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px ‘Trebuchet MS’; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000; min-height: 14.0px} span.s1 {font-kerning: none} Last week, University of Chicago provost Daniel Diermeier reasserted the school’s commitment to free speech and open inquiry in an email sent to all university students, faculty, and staff. A typo in the email’s subject-line, which read, “On the University’s Commitment to Free and Open Intercourse,” has ignited a public relations disaster, the likes of which have never been seen on this campus.
In the following week, more than 30 pairs of students and two threesomes have been caught having sex on campus property. However, the total number of people fucking on campus remains unknowable.
In their own defense, many of those caught claimed they were simply embracing the provost’s call to “expose themselves to new things.” As many as 100 individuals have been arrested for indecent exposure, though a UCPD spokesperson contended that this is to “protect students from the worst kind of frostbite imaginable.”
Several classes had to be broken up, including an anatomy lecture where students gave new meaning to the phrase “hands-on learning” and a nude figure drawing class that attracted too many enthusiastic models.
In a follow-up email, provost Diermeier apologized for the mistake and warned students to refrain from stimulating anything other than each other’s minds.
