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Feb. 1, 2017
President Trump Holds Press Conference To Read List of Black Friends In the wake of a turbulent and unnerving transition of power, the newly-elected President Donald Trump called together an ‘urgent’ press hearing earlier this week to address the ongoing controversy of his election and allay the nation’s concerns by reciting a ‘complete’ list of the new Commander in Chief’s closest black friends.
Hosting the event and welcoming press representatives to a high-rise ballroom inside Trump Tower was Emmy-nominated and visibly uncomfortable actor Idris Elba, who read a brief greeting from a teleprompter before inviting Trump onstage and promptly leaving the room. Taking the podium and thanking “Mr. Cheadle” for hosting, Trump opened by giving a brief, semi-prepared introductory address which touched on the struggles of “black people of color in America, and in many, many other places,” before eventually concluding that slavery was “a very, very bad thing.”
Trump then unrolled Producing and unrolling what appeared to be a large parchment scroll, and began Trump started off by listing a number of African-American politicians and millionaires with whom he had some feasible connections. , however gradually waning in credibility as tHowever, the newly-elected President‘s credibility gradually waned as he began to list such figures as “George Jefferson, Harriett Tubman, and The L.A. Lakers.”
By the time Trump’s list had meandered and digressed into a ranking of his favorite Eddie Murphy films, a reporter from CNN stood to interject a question for Trump regarding his ties with Russia, to which the President quickly retorted with, “Watchu talkin’ bout, Willis?”, garnering much laughter from the ‘paid’ section of the audience, while the reporter was escorted from the room by security. Before opening the floor to questions from pre-approved members of the press, Trump directed the audience’s attention to a full jazz band accompaniment onstage, which proceeded to deliver a brassy and enthusiastic performance of the theme from Family Matters, while media representatives were distributed gift baskets containing cologne, malt liquor, a copy of Jet magazine, and a pair of Nike Air Jordans.
