Op Ed: Who Do We Worship at Rockefeller Chapel?

By Confused Prospective 1st Year

April 20, 2018

When I came to campus for an “April Overnight Visit,” I was delighted to discover that the tallest building on campus is none other than the towering and holy edifice of Rockefeller Chapel. Yet, upon entering this consecrated space, I found myself beset by ambiguous iconography, purely aesthetic stained glass windows, and zero clue who the hell anybody inside was worshipping.

I will go right ahead and say it: I am a theist. Unlike a lot of the sad boys and Nietzsche-fiends infesting this campus, I have not given up faith in a higher power and still believe that my time on this Earth is imbued with purpose by forces beyond my comprehension. So how am I supposed to worship my God(s) of choice when there are definitely other gods being worshipped on the same consecrated ground?

Never mind the homogenous melting pot of faiths that seem to congregate in this space on any given holy day–the building itself seems to direct one’s prayers and holy secrets to deities and cosmological entities no one has any business praying to. Is this just John D. Rockefeller’s tomb where we worship his well-endowed and prestigious legacy? Are we here to celebrate the life of the mind and the intellectual curiosity which drives us all mad? Or is this whole building a cover meant to distract the student body’s most zealous and conservative worshippers away from the clandestine fertility cult known as “Snell Hitchcock Dormitory”?

At the very least, we appear to be worshipping “science” and “learning” as abstract concepts, and that ought to make your skin crawl. I am not trying to be intolerant of science, astrology, atheism, or any other religion (though agnostics need to make up their damn minds). If anything, I think it would be easier to tolerate the other religions I am sharing the space with if we could just be clear about who is praying to whom. Maybe we can designate the east-facing wall for Muslim students, have all of campus’ Jewish students gather at Chabad and Hillel, and let the Catholics and Protestants shout it out in the Bell Tower. Arranging students by religion might seem unpalatable, but it will all be worthwhile once this accursed campus ceases to blaspheme every god from Apollo to Zoroaster and is rewarded with favors divine and/or sexual.

This college is renowned for the freedom of speech it forces all students to embrace, and that’s fine. However, I think we could do a better  job when it comes to drawing some boundaries when it comes to freedom of religion. There’s an easy way to do this: All we need is a few LCD TV’s placed around the sanctuary and over the front door which can cycle through slides displaying the name and image (when permissible) of the spirit(s) and great creator(s) being worshipped during a given event. That way everyone can feel at home. If that doesn’t work, maybe we should just hold a ranked-choice referendum among all UChicago members, and the winning god takes all.