News in Brief: January 30

By Chicago Shady Dealer

Feb. 1, 2015

In order to best serve the needs of the University of Chicago community, the Dealer has decided to publish weekly news briefs in addition to its tri-quarterly issues. Below you will find the thirteenth edition of the Chicago Shady Dealer’s News in Brief.

-Maya and Becky

Editors-in-Chief &Slaves to the Beat

Saudi Arabia Walking “Broad Line” on Human Rights Violations

In light of recent international outcry over Saudi Arabia’s decision to proceed with the lashing of a liberal blogger, many prominent Western politicians are stepping forward to remind Saudi Arabia that they are walking a “broad line” on human rights violations.

The United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights, Prince Zeid bin Ra’ad of Jordan, harshly reprimanded the Saudi government, saying that they have “plenty of goodwill to burn through before it becomes a real problem.”

Prince Zeid went on to cite Saudi Arabia’s multi-billion dollar arms deals with the United States as “sufficient collateral” that should buy them at least 20 to 30 more years of autonomy in imposing strict Sharia law and the brutal public executions that are integral to maintaining a just and holy society.

“We expect continuous US support as we keep doing our thing over here,” said a spokesperson for the Saudi government.

Math Club to Celebrate February with Renewed Search for Even Primes

The University of Chicago Math Club announced its intent to renew the search for even primes in the month of February. An annual tradition in the undergraduate RSO, Even Prime Month occurs every February and is observed with workshops, lectures, and a concerted month-long effort to add to the theory of even primes.

These undergraduate math enthusiasts attempt a daunting task: no professional mathematician has ever discovered a new even prime. Yet each year the RSO attacks the problem with renewed vigor, relying on highly coordinated teamwork to make more progress than they could alone.

“Even primes are very important,” says Kay Li, president of the Math Club. “Right now we know that 2 is an even prime, but we don’t know of any others. This year, as in years past, we will try to extend our knowledge of even primes by finding more of them.”

“Last year we thought we found one: seven,” Li recalled. “That turned out to be a false alarm.”

President Zimmer Sees Shadow

Early Sunday morning, onlookers gathered to watch as President Zimmer emerged from his office and saw his shadow on the steps, predicting six more weeks of Winter Quarter to come. This was a big change from last year, when cloudy conditions prevented the president from seeing his shadow and winter quarter ended after only three weeks.

This longstanding celebration, dubbed “Zimmer’s Day,” occurs at the beginning of the fourth week of Winter Quarter each year. The event has often drawn large crowds, as many students hope to catch their first glimpse of President Zimmer during his only outing of the year.

Despite the excitement surrounding Zimmer’s Day, President Zimmer’s predictions are only 40% accurate. No one truly understands the mysterious nature of Winter Quarter, but students and faculty enjoy taking part in the University of Chicago tradition.

President Zimmer confirmed that Winter Quarter would continue, saying, “details will be provided in an email.” The president also emphasized that he hoped this outcome would spur an “on-campus dialogue” for the rest of the quarter.

“I don’t care how many more weeks of Winter Quarter Zimmer predicts, as long as I can complain loudly about each one,” said third-year Aaron McCarthey, when asked to comment on the event.

After the event, President Zimmer was seen going back into his office to prepare for hibernation.